How to Get Your Ex Back
When relationships end, things can go from messy to downright ugly. You might feel betrayed. You might think that she had not been honest enough in the relationship. Or maybe things just didn't fall through, and you found yourselves taking different paths when it came to career, lifestyles, or priorities. Either way, it hurt—a lot. And you aren't over your ex and how the relationship ended.
Despite what your mates tell you about how new is always better, you still find yourself thinking, "Oh man, I was the happiest with her."
We're going to level with you: it is entirely reasonable to want your ex back. The question here is, how will you win the girl again? And an even harder question to answer, should you get her back?
In this article, we will walk you through the surefire ways of getting back together with your ex. We guarantee that these tips will 100% work.
So, buckle up and let's get your ex back.
Legit Reasons to Get Back With Your Ex
Ugly breakups aside, there are cases where couples who got back together end up having a stronger and happier relationship. Some people need to break up to build an even stronger foundation. That might be the case for you, too. Here are some valid reasons to get back with your ex:
Circumstances have changed. Life decided to be your wingman again.
Life happens. That's the truth. Sometimes, life can suck bad and cockblock you even in your most successful relationships. Maybe it was one of you who had to go to a different city or country for career or education. Perhaps your timeline differs from hers. Your wants, needs, and priorities just don't align with hers.
Whatever the friggin reason may be, if the bond between you is still strong, why not give it a second shot? Especially if you find yourself on the same path as her, it is most definitely time to get that awesome girl back.
You have this great chemistry with your ex.
The reason doesn't need to be complicated. It can just be as simple as having the right chemistry and compatibility with your ex. Sometimes, we are only ever as compatible with other people. If you lucked out on a great partner that you can be yourself around but also helped you become a better man in the process, then do yourself a favor and win her back.
Sure, there are plenty of other fishes in the ocean. However, having great chemistry and even greater compatibility can be strong factors when deciding to get back with her or not.
Listen, we're going to get real with you. That strong connection can be sporadic to find. So if you had that with your ex, if she brings that extra wowza into your life and helps you be the man you want to become like nobody else's business, you'd be pretty stupid to let this one pass by.
You've had a "Eureka!" moment on past and current relationships.
Listen, people can change. Sometimes, we just need a breather to look at things objectively. It can be quite challenging to do that when you are still feeling pissed as hell. In a way, some distance can be healthy, too. It helps you clear your head, gain some perspective and forge a new game plan.
Also, if you've dated other women and still miss what your ex added to your life, do we really need to spell it that you need to have her back? Once you've realized that the only woman for you is your ex even after dating all those other girls, then it is time to make her yours again, bro.
You realize that you were in the wrong there.
Let's be honest here. No one's perfect. We make mistakes now and then. If your relationship with her had ended and you can't seem to shake off the fact that the break up was really your fault, this mistake need not be a permanent one.
Swallow your pride, acknowledge your fault/s, and work on getting her back. Own up to your mistakes. It's one thing to have made a mistake; it's another to let that same mistake define your happiness for the rest of your life.
The two of you had supported each other through thick and thin.
Has she stuck by you through thick and thin? Has she seen you at your worst and still thought the best of you? Were you two able to fully support each other's goals? If your ex is all of the above, then stop what you're doing and get her back immediately.
Having a solid support system is pretty hard to achieve in any relationship. If you have that going between you two, it is something worth fighting for.
Get this free PDF guide loaded with easy to follow texting hacks that are 100% sure to work! Subscribe now and start getting her back right away.
How to Actually Get Her Back
If you are reading this article, we've come to the part that has most likely made you click on this: tips on how to win her over again. Listen, there are no shortcuts to this. No magic tricks that will get her back in just a blink of an eye.
If you truly want her back and give it another shot, then, you have your work cut out for you. We have provided tips that act as a step by step guide you can follow. It will take time. It will require patience and determination. This will need your 100% effort. So, get ready to put your back into it and let's get your girl back.
Be productive and get busy.
When a relationship ends, it's so easy just to let the couch swallow you up. The next thing you know, you are covered in day-old pizza grease while scrolling through her Instagram. Do not be that guy.
Rather than coping in a rather unhealthy (and frankly, unappealing) way, you can channel that energy to try out new things. Try to find yourself and learn who you are outside the relationship. This might entail trying out new sports, going back to the gym, hanging out with friends you haven't hang out within a long time, maybe even traveling.
Be that cool, happy, unruffled dude. The more unaffected you are, the more she'll want you. Rather than be desperate and miserable, try to redirect your energy into something more productive. Be social.
Not only will you give her time and space to rethink things (and miss you), but you'll also learn that a girlfriend is just there to enrich your life rather than be the center of it. Trust us, that perspective will help you balance your romantic relationship in the future.
Cut off any communication for a while.
Cutting off any contact will help you in the long run. Trust us on this one. The main reason is to try to be more objective and see your relationship in a more neutral lens. You simply can't do that if you are still close to the situation and letting all these anger and hurt cloud your judgment. One effective way of doing that is by not making any contact with your ex.
Do not text her, call her, flood her Messenger or Viber. Make it easier for you, too. Don't stalk her tweets or Instagram. Let her be and then focus on yourself. Admit it. You're tired of putting up with her to some degree, too.
It's best to lay low for a while. Kick back, relax, binge some shows you've downloaded, walk your dog, hang with your best mate. Whoever said that "no retreat, no surrender" is a successful strategy is all kinds of wrong.
Put in the effort of being more introspective.
Now that you've cooled down and can inspect your past relationship like an impartial Sherlock Holmes, pinpoint what were the strengths of your relationship and what were its weaknesses. Distinguish the positives and develop a plan to maintain, if not increase, the good parts. Do you both love having adventures and trying out new things? Amp that up. Treat her to dates and go on trips.
Similarly, you can also apply that to your relationship's weaknesses. Ask yourself what made the relationship fail? Then, think of solutions and compromises that will help strengthen it. If it is your lack of emotional connection and presence, compromise to be more physically and emotionally present for her.
Remember, it isn't enough to understand the changes you need to make. You actually need to follow these through to get your girl back. Be the man you'd like to be by showing her and not just telling her.
Implement the game plan!
Once you've sorted out the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship with your ex, this is the part where you actually put them to use.
Woo her not as the same loser she broke up with. Get her back by being this awesome dude who's willing to make compromises and hearing her out. Reintroduce yourself to her life and prove to her how this can work out again the second time around not just in words and empty sounding promises but through actions.
This can be divided into three phases.
Phase 1: Testing the Waters
In this modern world, the quickest and most efficient way to make contact is through text. Now we know what you are thinking. How are you going to text her after a period of no contact? Protip, the lengthier your no contact period is, the better. A simple "hey, how are you?" just wouldn't cut it. Instead, you can start off with these kinds of texts:
Nostalgic Ones
Reinforce positive memories and drive out the bad ones. You can text along the lines of "So, I just passed by ______. Remember the time when ______? Aw, that had been awesome." Remind her that you are the guy she had fallen in love with!
Intriguing Ones
This is why cultivating yourself is the key. Be that brand new and exciting man she'd want to get to know. Make her feel that you are doing good by saying something like this, "Remember how much you used to love ______? I gave it a go and I can't believe we hadn't tried that before!"
Once you get the ball rolling, develop that rapport with her. Make her crave for your messages and associate texting with you to something exciting. Make her really impatient for you to text.
Be consistent, too. This shows that you are in it to win her back. When you are constant, you are slowly letting her get used to your presence and reintroducing you to her life again.
Phase 2: Keeping It Lowkey
Once she gets used to you, you can start taking the next step by asking her out. And by asking her out, we don't mean elaborate romantic dates. Nope, at this stage, it is better to avoid that. You'll only scare her off.
You can start by just casually hanging out and being her friend. You can text about how much you are craving for this utterly sinful ice cream you've both occasionally indulged in at some point in the relationship. And very, very casually, say that you're going out to grab one and she can come if she wants, too. This not so blatant way of asking her out will undoubtedly increase your chances of her saying yes.
In another case, make her feel needed. You can text about how this one chore a friend or maybe even your parent had tasked you can be such a drag. It will be so boring but hey, if she'd be glad to accompany you, then that would make it so much better. Going on a grocery run, picking up laundry, or even as small as delivering your dog or neighbor's cat to the vet can be a great start.
What's important is to establish a casual and pleasant connection with her.
Phase 3: Proving Your Worth!
When she had finally gotten used to you being around again, this is the time to turn up the notch and prove to her that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work the second time around. Slowly but surely, coax your relationship to move from friends to lovers again gradually.
Once she feels more comfortable with you, ask her out to more romantic dates. Be more direct and open about what you want to happen between you. That sounds easy, but this step is the hardest of all. To convince her to give you another chance, show her through actions that you are the man she'd be glad to fall back in love with.
Remember the introspection we've talked about earlier? This is where you can put your knowledge to the test. What had made her break up with you? Have you been neglecting her? Were you not as spontaneous? Did you take her for granted? Were you too needy? Did you drop the ball and forget important occasions?
Whatever it may be, you must change that impression of hers and turn it into something positive. If you've neglected her, be more expressive and emotionally available. If she doesn't think you listen enough, be the best goddamn listener and treat even the tiniest thing she had shared with you as important. If you haven't been spontaneous enough, surprise her by taking her out on unplanned dates.
Make sure to keep your promises or not make them at all if you are just going to break them.
When It Makes Sense Getting Back Together
✔ You still have strong feelings for each other.
Having an excellent connection and deep bond matched by no other is a great sign of getting back together with your ex. If you have such strong compatibility with her, you can work out your differences the second try.
✔ Your priorities have aligned.
Maybe the timing was off on the first try. If the situation has changed, you find yourselves on the same path, and luck is finally on your side this time, getting her back might be one of the best decisions you'll make.
✔ The break up was sudden.
Sometimes, we tend to make rash decisions in the heat of the moment. We do things we'll later regret once we've had the time to cool off. One of these is breaking up. Maybe it was the easiest solution at that time that you've both come to regret. Ego, temper, and pride had interfered in an otherwise great relationship.
✔ The connection you have is unlike any other.
See, you had this great connection with your ex. No matter how amazing the other women are, it just isn't the same. If this feeling profoundly resonates with you, it is a significant factor to consider when getting back with your ex or not.
✔ The cause of break up was rather small and silly.
Sometimes, couples can break up over easily fixable fights due to impulsive decisions. If the relationship was great for the most parts and the heat of the moment just drove you, it is worth going back to mend the relationship.
Would you let something small and inconsequential get in between something great you had going with your partner? Sometimes, the solution need not break things off instantly
When It Doesn't Make Sense Getting Back Together
X You only miss the relationship and not her.
You need to assess whether you miss the relationship or if you actually miss her. We can miss the comfort a relationship brings but not the person.
X She is dating another guy.
If she is with someone else, it's time to call it quits and let her be happy. Don't intrude on her life. You'll do yourself a favor, trust us.
X The trust just isn't there anymore.
If there are still trust issues and concerns you can't reconcile with and get past, it is better not to rekindle the old flame. Relationships are messy. If the cracks would continue to gnaw at you and will only get bigger in time, then it would be a lot healthier to spare yourself from another heartbreak.
Are you sure you want to get her back?
Sure, we can give you many tips on how to get your ex back. But the real question here is, do you really want her back in the first place? Here's a quiz you can take that'll help you decide whether you want to get back together or not.
Conclusion
You are probably reading this article because you are hurting over your ex and want her back. That is completely normal. If there are still some unresolved feelings that you can predict won't ever go away even if you are back together, then you are probably just better off looking for someone else and start over.
Indeed, lovers come and go. Sometimes, they are meant to stay for a while. Other times, they are just expected to pass by and teach life lessons. No matter how much these lessons can hurt sometimes.
And if you are still feeling unsure if you'd want your ex back, check out these dating sites that might help you get back out there in the dating scene.
Founder of Dating Scout and Author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies"